You don't care? Not even about your friends? Wow... selfish bitch is right.


i never said i didn't care about my friends. i do, deeply. if anyone tries to mess with my friends, i'm ready to kick ass and defend them all the way. but i have this great ability of indifference when it comes to certain opinions they might have. its not that i don't respect what they have to say, i just don't care to hear it. and, being my friends and knowing me so well, they respect that about me. they don't care that i don't care. it's what my friends do. we care about each other, but we don't always have to agree on everything, nor do we have to care about everything the other says. because, in truth, sometimes it doesn't even matter.

we care about each other. i love my friends so much. but that doesn't mean that i have to listen to every word they say and care. that's the great thing about friends, that you can not care about things that they say and they're completely ok with it. you can disagree on big things, yet still not be at odds with each other. you can bitch and bitch and bitch to them about your life, and they are there to listen. then you can say something, and it won't even matter to them, and that's ok, because they are there for you when it counts.

Karen has to be probably THE most important friend in my life.

i'm not saying that all my other friends can go to hell, but without Karen, i don't know what i would do. she's my opposite, my balance. we can totally disagree about things and not know where the hell the other is coming from, yet we're the best of friends. we can bitch about anything to the other and its fun. we keep each other's secrets. we don't keep secrets from each other. she's just so great.

My other friends are just as important in my life. seriously, i don't know what i would do without them.

but that doesn't mean that i'm not allowed to care about some things. in our group, i'm the girl that doesn't care a lot of the time. but if my friends need to talk, i'm ready to listen. if they need a shoulder to cry on, i'm there with shoulder pads and tissues. i'm ready to threaten anyone that makes someone i care about upset.

my friends are one of the most important aspects in my pathetic existence. but that doesn't mean i have to care 24/7 about all their opinions about every single thing in the whole entire world.

my friends know the real me. that's all that matters. everyone who doesn't really know me i can't really considere a close friend since i've kept them at a distance.

and to make a comment like the one above just proves that you don't know me at all.

i bought a yellow shirt (yes, yellow. I always thought yellow would look hideous on me, but this shirt doesn't look too bad) and it says:

I Understand
I Just Don't Care

which is so me.

I understand a lot of things. Surprising, i know. but still, i understand where ppl come from and such. I just don't care.

I don't care where they're coming from, i don't care what their saying, i don't care about their opinion.

mean and bitchy, i know, but its the truth.

I don't care about ppl's opinions sometimes, hell, most of the time.

And i don't care what they say about me or how they feel about me or anything. i came to this conclusion thanks to mike (thanks mike, and i mean that).

i would appreciate frankness though. if you have a problem, i would like to know up front so i can avoid you in the future. because that's what i will do. avoid you since i won't like you either, probably.

that's just the way i am.

a mean, selfish bitch. and i'm damn proud of it too. and i can't be all bad, otherwise i wouldn't have any friends at all, which i have many. and i'm very thankful to have friends that put up with me.

but they put up with me because they know me, understand me, and are compatible with me. those are three things needed for me to be less of a bitch towards a person. if any are missing, then, well, i just don't get along with ppl. i don't play well with others.

like i said, i'm a bitch.

and still damn pround.

ever think that you've been writing so much or something, then realize that you haven't, not in the sense that you were thinking?

i feel like i've been blogging a lot, but i haven't. its kinda weird. i dunno. i guess it's been comments and other crap like that.

ever read or hear a poem and think that it could represent part of your life? ok, maybe not represent, but... as if the writer has taken a peek into your head, into your life and written part of it out? or what it could have been like? or something? its hard for me to explain what i mean. then again, i don't make much sense on the best of days.

ever wish that someone in your life would come back to you?


i cried yesterday. for no reason at all. ok, i kinda had a reason, but its so lame. but i cried.

i've been wanting to cry for a while now. i don't know why, it was just something that i wanted. and yesterday was practically the most perfect day to cry. it would have been better if it was thundering and there was lightening, but it was rainy, and i cried.

crying with the rain. in a way its almost poetic.

and no, i wasn't crying because i didn't to eat sushi (i wasn't that hungry anyway). and i wasn't crying because i didn't get to hang out with steve.

christina called me around 3ish, and she asked me if i was ok. i said i was fine, but then i just got this overwhelming feeling of sadness. after i hung up, i really wanted to cry. so i looked for a sad movie to watch. Dragonheart. I started crying even when it wasn't sad.
i hadn't even gotten through 1/2 an hour of the movie before turning it off, going into my room and started crying, clutching my stuffed animal, watching a candle burn.

ever get really sad without knowing why?

maybe its not sadness at all, but really fear.

maybe i'm scared of something only my subconscious can access. maybe its not fear at all. i dunno.

Bob Ross's 9th anniversary has passesd.

What kind of anniversary? the anniversary of his death.

When was this anniversary? July 4th

Who is Bob Ross? He was a painter on pbs, and other channels like it.

i used to come home from school and watch him for half an hour, painting "happy little trees" and stuff like that. he was so cool.

how do i know when he died? well, i thought he died the same day my great aunt died, but i looked it up and that's not true at all. he died in the same year though. that should count for something.

i remember finding out about it on the news or something and being really upset. My favorite painter, dead. i wanted to cry. i might have almost started to.

he was so.... pure?

"We don't make mistakes here, we just have happy accidents. We want happy, happy paintings. If you want sad things, watch the news. Everything is possible here. This is your little universe."

-Bob Ross

He used to always say stuff like that when he was painting. it was always 'your little universe'.

maybe that's why i liked watching him paint, because everything he did was so optimistic. he was always so happy.

i miss watching him paint...

http://images.google.ca/imgres?imgurl=http://www.space-debris.com/and_cobb_console.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.space-debris.com/andromeda.htm&h=388&w=495&sz=129&tbnid=AMu9r8g4FSUJ:&tbnh=99&tbnw=126&start=4&prev=/images%3Fq%3DKeith%2BHamilton%2BCobb%2B%2BTyr%2Bpictures%26hl%3Den%26lr%3D%26ie%3DUTF-8%26sa%3DN

Link to Pic of Tyr 1

http://images.google.ca/imgres?imgurl=http://www.space-debris.com/and_cobb_console.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.space-debris.com/andromeda.htm&h=388&w=495&sz=129&tbnid=AMu9r8g4FSUJ:&tbnh=99&tbnw=126&start=4&prev=/images%3Fq%3DKeith%2BHamilton%2BCobb%2B%2BTyr%2Bpictures%26hl%3Den%26lr%3D%26ie%3DUTF-8%26sa%3DN

Link to Pic of Tyr 2

Chris, this is who i'm talking about. I know that Doyle has much darker skin, but c'mon, Tyr's HOT!! he's got the nice hair, the broodyness about him...

so sexy. but i'm a sucker for a man like him.

you know, the kind of sexy asshole type.

oh well. still, i just felt like showing you who came to mind when i thought of Darkness.

damn, he is sooo sexy. the both of them are. just give me a call if you want the books, unless you've already read them. but whatev.

Tom Petty ~ Only A Broken Heart

Here comes that feeling I've seen in your eyes
Back in the old days before the hard times
But don't be afraid anymore
It's only a broken heart

I know the place where you keep your secrets
Out of the sunshine, down in a valley
But I'm not afraid anymore
It's only a broken heart

What would I give to start all over again
To clean up my mistakes

Stand in the moonlight, stand under heaven
Wait for an answer, hold out forever
But don't be afraid anymore
It's only a broken heart

What would I give to start all over again
To clean up my mistakes

I know your weakness, you've seen my dark side
The end of the rainbow is always a long ride
But don't be afraid anymore
It's only a broken heart
It's only a broken heart

ok, so here's what happened...

yesterday was the interphase show. i went to work at 8 am. got off at 2 pm. picked up Christina and we went to the mall to pick up a few things for the show (namely granny panties & thongs, and poster paper). dropped off Christina at home, then got my eyebrows done (finally!). went home and got ready for the show, making posters for me and karen. went to her house and waited for her to get ready. went to Reuben's house to watch the show. (And since Drew and the band is so cool, they waited for us to show up, even though they only gave us 5 minutes to get there).

the show was pretty good. Gambling Man kicked major ass thanks to Drew and his awesome bass!! Uberduke was the opening show and he kick ass as well! GO ANDREW!!! then it was black sheep and FINALLY interphase. it was a long show.

after the show, me and Karen and Kiki and Di (pronounced Dee) went to all you can eat sushi. They are soooo much fun! I love them!! then we went back to Kiki's house for dessert and a movie. Finding Nemo. It was my second time watching it. still funny. During the movie me and Kiki got into some fights and inadvertantly hit our respective girlfriends (as me and karen agreed that we were on a double date with Kiki and Di at sushi place). It was an accident. Hitting them i mean. They were in the way of our reflexing arms.

so all in all, Saturday night was pretty good.

haven't heard anything thats happening tonite as of yet. i probably won't b/c no one loves me. I am unloved. But, love is only a feeling anyway...

(hee hee hee! The DARKNESS!!!!!)

Speaking of the Darkness...


The Darkness ~ Love Is Only A Feeling

The first flush of youth was upon you when our eyes first met
And I knew that to you and into your life I had to get
I felt light-headed at the touch of this strangers hand
An assault my defences systematically failed to withstand

Cos you came at a time
When the pursuit of one true love in which to fall
Was the be all and end all

Love is only a feeling
(Drifting away)
When im in your arms I start believing
(Its here to stay)
But love is only a feeling
Anyway

The state of elation that this union of hearts achieved
I had seen, I had touched, I had tasted and I truly believed
That the light of my life
Would tear a hole through each cloud that scudded by
Just to beam on you and I

Love is only a feeling
(Drifting away)
When im your arms I start believing
(Its here to stay)
But love is only a feeling
Anyway, anyway

Love is only a feeling
(Drifting away)
And we've got to stop ourselves believing
(Its here to stay)
Cos love is only a feeling
Anyway

So i went to Kelowna for Don Henley, who is funny and kicks much ass.

Got to hang out with my cousin's (my blood related cousin) gay friends, who are sooooo much FUN!! Seriously, they are fuckin hilarious! Ian and Ian are great too!! Her straight friends were there as well, and they kick ass just as much as her gay friends.

got some shooters from some guys who were here on a stag (prolly coulda gotten some mardi gras beads from one of them too if my sis hadn't've been there, but oh well)

got back in time to go to the airport with the Roddens to pick Karen up. YAY!

...

i think that's it.

OOH! no, there's a bit more!

I LOVE THE DARKNESS!! they have to be one of my new fave bands!! I've been listening to them non-stop!! I LOVE THEM!!!

seriously, they are so cool. Justin Hawkins has the most awesomest voice. its funny. me and karen were singing really loud on the way to BP on... monday.

Oh! BP! our poor waiter. i remember looking at his nametag, but i can't remember what it is. i feel sorry for him. we were that annoying table at the restaurant. i was really hyper cuz i had sugar. from the sugar packet. actually, i had brown sugar mixed with white sugar, so that prolly wasn't the best idea. i was sad b/c i wasn't able to drink b/c i was driving, but sugar works pretty good too. i think i may have scared him (and by him, i mean our waiter whose name i can't remember).

btw, BP has really awesome cheese cake. just to let you know.

um... i think thats it for now.

ok, bye!!


The Darkness ~ I Believe In A Thing Called Love

Can't explain all the feelings that you're making me feel
My heart's in overdrive and you're behind the steering wheel

Touching you, touching me,
Touching you god you're touching me

I believe in a thing called love
Just listen to the rhythm of my heart
There's a chance we could make it now
We'll be rocking 'til the sun goes down
I believe in a thing called love
Ooh!

I wanna kiss you every minute, every hour, every day
You got me in a spin but everything is A.O.K!

Touching you, touching me
Touching you god you're touching me

I believe in a thing called love
Just listen to the rhythm of my heart
There's a chance we could make it now
We'll be rocking 'til the sun goes down
I believe in a thing called love
Ooh!
Guitar!

Touching you, touching me
Touching you god you're touching me

I believe in a thing called love
Just listen to the rhythm of my heart
There's a chance we could make it now
We'll be rocking 'til the sun goes down
I believe in a thing called love
Ooh!

ok, remember what i said about not seeing me because of school? well, i've fixed it a little. Well, at least... i don't have a saturday morning class anymore. so its all good.

sorta...

*****

PRIDE!!!

Omg, Pride was fun!! Ju and Christina and RJ and Nathaniel were there!! Woop Woop!!!

At the parade on the Odessey Truck there was the HOTTEST DANCING BOY EVER!!!! he was sooooooooooo cute!!! I want to own one!!! But he looked quite gay. *sulks* so many hot guys are gay. its unfair. *pouts*

Ok, i'm done.

****

Last night, me and my cousins went to go see Spiderman 2!!

We've noticed that we are the annoying ppl in the theatre that everyone else hates. It was fun.

We had much fun making fun of stuff. Like Uncle Ben's 6 minute rice, Peter Parker and his "Aw Shucks, Golly Gee, Oh Boy" sayings, and stuff like that.

I'm not sure if ppl appreciated it when me and Mikey were laughing when ppl were getting all dead and/or seriously injured. oh well.

it was fun nonetheless.

Go us!!

yah, ok, that's all i had to say.